Crossroads I don't know what I'm afraid of. I've been here before... at the crossroads. But every time I make my way to this point, I am stricken with fear. Choices. Go right? Go left? Go straight? ... go back? What if it's the wrong choice? I am standing at the crossroads. I can see the choices before me... and that familiar fear creeps up my throat and makes it hard to breathe. I am deathly afraid of failure. Its actually a ridiculous circle of events, I work and work and work so hard just to get me to this point and then I am freaked out when I get here. And one of two things is going to happen... Either, I will push ahead and give it my all and will face whatever outcome results from it, or subconsciously sabotage the project so that when I fail I have something to blame it on. Is it sad that I can literally SEE my two choices before me? This is a big one. It's not like changing the color of my livingroom walls or even buying a new car. My choices in front of me are life changing. If I fail at this, it will knock me back quite a few notches. Sure, I've been there before, at the bottom of the failure pile ... but I don't like it. I realize that sometimes you have to fail before you can succeed, and I could really use a success. If you've been following my blogs, you have seen how I am shifting slightly in my niche. I am turning my focus to teens and family coaching and diving in head first into the workshops and seminars. I have peace about my decision right up until the time I have to take action on it. So I've done all the small things, the research, the writing, the connections, the announcements... but now, it's actually time to do it. It's time to offer my first workshop. It's time to suck it up and start making videos for on-line seminars and the blogs, etc. It's time to make the new website go live. It's time to put the wheels in motion. Scary stuff... Scary, scary stuff... So, this is me where I am at this juncture of my writing career. Thank you for letting me share my trials with you and thank you for your prayers and kind words. I know the direction I need to follow. I am standing in the crossroads, but I know the direction I need to take. It's just a matter of taking that first step. Maybe tomorrow.... yes, definitely tomorrow.
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Let It Go Your blog post today is a product of the magical, distracting power of Disney. I've been trying to work on helping you to let go of your past troubles so they don't weigh down your future. And Disney's Frozen song keeps running through my head, "Let It Go." Excellent advice. "... the past is in the past..." While I will try to keep my singing to a minimum, there is some important and valuable keys to be learned here. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. We have all made painful decisions that we wish we hadn't. No one is free from that. No one. I wish I could take the pain away that is associated with your past, the fact is that it happened that way for a reason. You hopefully learned something; grew from your mistakes, and if that's the case- Good for you. Because you have learned to make your stumbling block your stepping stone. You are who you are today, because of the things in your past- good or bad. But for the others who are carrying around guilt, self-loathing, bitterness and anger, I am here to say let it go. You are dragging your past into your future where it was not meant to be. There is nothing so big that you cannot be forgiven for (Acts 10:43), but the one you need forgiveness from in most cases is yourself. Let it go... Your brain is a powerful thing. It obeys what you tell it to do. When you put it on auto-pilot, it can dredge up some painful images and show them to you over and over again allowing them to tell yourself things that just aren't true. "You weren't good enough for her." "You aren't smart enough to get into that college." "You deserve to unhappy." "You have done some bad, bad things." Every time you replay those images, they get a little bit stronger. They take over a little more of your thought process. Your brain is SO amazing that not only will it display those images, but it can cause you to evoke the emotions that go right along with it. So if you think on it, real hard, it's like the same painful thing is happening again, right now, making those memories and wounds fresh again. Is that really where you want to be? Do you really want to punish yourself over and over again for something that you can do absolutely nothing about? You can't change the past. You can't un-do anything that has already happened. But you can make choices for your future. Did you know that your brain will also do what you tell it to do? You don't have to be at the mercy of your memories. When those thoughts come at you, make the conscious effort to change the channel. You don't have to let those memories have control over you. Change the channel. Quit thinking about it. Quit talking about it. Quit replaying the disappointments. Quit reliving the hurt and the bad choices. When you can't close the doors on the past, you are practically locking the doors to your future. You know the saying, when one door closes, another will open. Well the new door can't open if you haven't closed the old door! Your future can't truly begin if you're still lugging around the pain from your yesterdays. Change your future by taking control of your thoughts and letting the past stay in the past. Those thoughts WILL come up again, but you have to choose to guard your thoughts. Keep moving forward. It doesn't matter where you were born. It doesn't matter how you were raised. It doesn't matter if he/she left you. It doesn't matter if you didn't get the job. You are not a victim. How long are you going to blame outside events for your shortcomings? How long are you going to mourn for your losses? When is it time to turn things around and take on the future that you really and truly want? I'm not dismissing the things that have happened to you. But we have all had things, bad things, happen in our lives that we wish didn't happen. You still have a choice! Let go of the victim mentality. Let go of the bitterness. Let go of the anger, the hate and the anguish. Let go of the ashes so you can see the beauty. Sometimes not getting what you thought you wanted is the blessing in and of itself. If it was meant to be, then it would be. You are not your past. You can't change your yesterdays, but you do have some input on all of your tomorrows. Use your powerful brain to see where it is that you want to be in your future. See the things that make you happy. Focus on the ones that you love and love you in return. At some point, we have to decide when to let go. You've done all you can do. Nothing else is going to change for the better. You have to come to terms that it is over and done. We may not ever understand how we came to this point, "but here I stand, in the light of day" and you have to decide to move past it. If you continue to hang on, it will only drag you down. Let it go. Cut off the dead weight and feel the heaviness come off your shoulders. It is not until you acknowledge the end that a new beginning can start. It is where you are unwilling to walk away, that you will be forever stuck. You can't go backwards. You weren't meant to go back. You have a whole new life waiting for you to live it if you will just give it a chance. Every morning is a clean canvas. A new chance to start over. Unlock the doors to your future. Change the channel. Forgive your past. Let it go. Forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive the man that broke your heart. Forgive the woman that wouldn't give you a chance. Forgive the boss who passed you over for the promotion. Forgive the circumstances that led to pain or feelings of unjust. Forgive yourself. Forgive. Whether it was something that happened ten minutes ago or ten years ago. Forgive. This does not mean that your life will be easy. There will be new trials and temptations and painful events that will blindside you, just repeat. Forgive and let it go. Isaiah 43:18-19 “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Your Asset List Sometimes in life we fall into patterns that seem to slow us down or even bring us to a complete halt. These are the times when we can feel defeated or overwhelmed. And we make the mistake of listening to those negative voices either from within or without and think we can't do something. It's times like these when making an Asset List will help get you through. If you have been to one of my motivational speaking engagements, you may have heard me talk of a Victory Log (or Victory Wall). This is a tool I use to write down in a specific journal (or post-it note my wall) all the victories, large or small that I achieve. I sold X amount of books. I got new subscribers, I lost weight, I got a new gig, I got a letter of thanks or an awesome review... You get the idea. I write these down and when I'm feeling unaccomplished, I go back and look at all these victories and I am replenished again. I know that I can face whatever challenge because look at how far I have come! An Asset List can be a similar tool to use to help you through those "stuck" times. If you were to go to a bank and request a loan, the banker would want to know about your financial assets, to make sure you are "worthy" of this sum of money. So you would write down your assets to assure the banker that, yes, you can repay the loan because, clearly, as it states on this paper, you are worth more than that sum. An Asset List is similar in how it is directly related to you. It clearly puts in black and white how valuable you are. What are those great qualities about you? What things can you do that come easily that to others may be a challenge? What are your talents? Your skills? Your gifts? Your experiences? They are all right there, but sometimes we forget how wonderful we are, or sometimes, we have never taken the opportunity to look close enough. There's a story about a man who owned some property. The land was flat and dry and nothing could grow on it. One day a business man came along and asked if he could do some testing of the land. The owner said, "Sure," and scoffed at the man, warning him that the ground was useless. Well, the business man puttered around for a few days and ended up tapping into one of the largest veins of oil ever found! Of course, both men became quite wealthy from that big ole' hunk of useless ground. They never would have found it had they not scratched below the surface. Had they not looked at the land from a different angle. What will we find if we scratch below the surface? What treasures would we find if we only took the time to search your beautiful heart and complex brain and worldly soul? I'd like to recommend that you do just that. Get pen and paper and start writing, in no particular order, all the wonderful assets of you! Some of you will be able to pour out lists and lists, but for others, you might need some encouragement. So ask for help! Ask those people around you what they think your assets are and then write them down! Keep your list close by and review it regularly and alway keep adding to it as you grow and change and learn new skills. Whenever you need a boost, take a look at your Asset List and remind yourself how valuable and unique you are and then go face whatever challenge is intimidating you! You can do it! If you can't do it personally, you can find a way to get it done! I believe in you. You need to believe in you too!! Other posts you might find helpful: Success Is... Fear Not When In Doubt... Thanks so much for joining me on my blog today! Don't forget to leave your feedback below!! Instead of Looking for the Right Person, Become the Right Person "If you attempt to build intimacy with a person before you've done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the hole in your heart and the lack of what you don't have. That relationship will end in disaster." -Les and Leslie Parrott If I may paraphrase the above, what that comment is saying to me is that if you are looking for someone to "complete you" then you have already lost. I believe they are trying to teach us to become the person we are happy and satisfied with by building our own self-confidence so when the right person comes along, he/she is merely a happy addition to our lives. We don't feel that obsessive NEED for that person. We don't have to have this person or that person because something is missing in our lives. We can be happy on our own, but we can also be ecstatic that they have joined us on our journey. Love will come to you. Maybe not in your time frame, so you need to be happy with your own company until that right someone does come along. So how do we go about becoming the right person? How do we find the patience to wait on love while we are making ourselves into the right person to be loved? Practice love. Emulate love. Become the person that walks in love and not just wishes for it. There's this saying: The way you do anything is the way you do everything. We can put that into practice here. Your "anythings" are your unconscious decisions that you make on a daily basis. Your way of doing things. The evolutional attitude you've created. And it can be observed in everything you do. We prefer to focus on what we want to see and hear, both for the good and bad. And that's true of everyone. But no matter how we try and taint or twist the evidence we present to others for our favor, actions reveal our true character. So make sure your character is one that can stand the test. All of your "anythings" create your everything life. You are who you are in the dark. So, perhaps we should shine the light and look at who you really are and how the rest of the world sees you? I am just under six feet tall and I have bright red hair. My mother made it a point to teach me, that no matter where I am, or where I go, someone is always watching me. She wasn't necessarily telling me this to frighten me, she was reminding me that I stick out like a sore thumb and if I do something stupid, I WILL get caught. And it worked. I took years of ballet to make sure I walk with poise and grace. I've studied etiquette to be sure I always have polite manners... so on and so forth... Now that I am a public figure, my character is up for grabs as well. (1 Timothy 4:12) I am not perfect by any means, and in spite of my many years of ballet, I still manage to fall flat on my face. But I do try and live an honest life. What you see is what you get. I try to walk in love. I have bad days, just like everyone else, but how you do anything is how you do everything. Even on those bad days, I walk in love. There may be an edge to my voice, or my eyes may not sparkle through whatever I'm going through, but hopefully you will know that I am sending love your way. As you know, I am a big component of if you give love you will receive love. Sometimes not in the direction you were expecting, but the rule has always held true for me. Meaning, you see this totally beautiful person standing across the room so you send out love in his direction... he may not respond. But that love will bounce around the room and suddenly, someone will come up to you and tell you that you have the most beautiful smile. So, it may not be from the hot guy, but that only means that he wasn't for you. So keeping that in mind, are you giving love? Are you the kind of person others can love? Do you walk in love? Are you patient and kind? Do you show respect for others? Do you live a life of integrity? You can only pretend to be someone else for a short amount of time. The real you will always come to the surface. Who are you when no one else is around? Love is sacrificial and learning to put others first. Are you in a "ME" kind of mindset? If you have been making the same kind of relationship mistakes over and over and ending up in the same hurtful place, start with yourself. Do you love yourself? If you don't love you, how can someone else? Look hard in the mirror. Fall in love with the face staring back at you. Let love begin with you. Create a fulfilling, healthy, whole relationship with you. Make the changes that need to be made that will make others see how truly wonderful you are. How you do anything is how you do everything. Start with you. Walk in love. Put others first. Send love out and it will come back to you. Men Tell Their Secrets I'm fascinated at how couples work. What makes two people stick it out to make a relationship work. What is it about one person over another that makes men decide to commit to that one person for the rest of their life? So, I've been asking married men "What's the secret to a happy marriage?" for months now, and I've pulled out a select few to share with you and I think you'll find their answers compelling, emotional, funny and heart-warming. So without further ado and in no particular order, I give you Men's Secret to a Happy Marriage... Mark M. Married 24 years: "I married my high school sweet heart. I'd say it would have to be patience. On both our parts." Pete L. Married 53 years: "It's a give and take. Lord knows I'm not perfect. We take it one day at a time. One day at a time." Ken E. Married 26 years: "Suffering through chicken night with a smile on my face for twenty-six years!" Matt C. Married 7 years: "Having kids. Seeing that it's a bit of each of you; you created them, together. It makes you want to try harder." Bill W. Married 40 years: "Don't sweat the small stuff and it all ends up being small stuff." Jeff O. Married 31 years: "Be intentional. Make her a priority." Harmon C. Married 38 years: "I don't make any decisions without her. (I basically do what she tells me to do!) It took me about twenty years to figure that out." Bill J. Married 27 years: "Wait. Don't get married until you're WAY out of adolescence. I waited until I was thirty-six. Then, just take it one day at a time." Mark M. Married 26 years: "When it comes to money, come to a mutual agreement. Listen. Not just listen, but hear her. And... don't make sports THE top priority!" Larry S. Married 51 years: "Always put her first. Make sure her needs are taken care of. She does the same for me." John S. Married 42 years: "Have the same religious base... and forgiveness. You're going to make a lot of mistakes. Forgiveness is a must. Russ I. Married 6 years: "Find someone that will put up with you!" Jim L. Married 52 years: "Just keep saying 'Yes Dear'!" Bill H. Married 43 years: "Communication... and don't lie. She tells me everything and I tell her everything. You can lie to anyone else, but don't lie to each other. That's the fastest way to lose trust. I know I can trust her about anything and she trusts that I will always be there for her." Thirudathi R. Married 30 years: "Trust. Trust is the key." Dave H. Married 55 years: "She's always right!" Kevin N. Married 39 years: "The minister said till death do us part. That means for the good and bad. So, that was that." Ulli H. Married 35 years: "Trust. If you cross that line, you can't go back." Jerry D. Married 54 years: "Always love each other. No matter what. And learn to compromise." Knowles T. Married 39 years: "I believe in communicating and sticking it out through thick and thin and forgiving." Bob O. Married 27 years: "Compromise. It's not so much about me but rather 'us'. Pay her a compliment every day. It costs little but it means so much." Ken G. Married 49 years: "Tolerance. And let me tell you that when you work so hard at being tolerant in your marriage, you're allowed to be LESS tolerant in other areas. Mine is driving. I go so irritated with ignorant drivers! Especially in traffic!" David O. Married 55 years: "Patience. Love and patience." Matt M. Married 20 years: "Respect each other." John K. Married 38 years: "The wife rules!! But other than that, I think openness and honesty." Martin V. Married 5 years: "Wait fifty years! I wasn't going to be a statistic, so I waited for the right one. It was lonely, and I thought I was going to be a bachelor forever and then I met her." Charles E. Married 14 years: "Know when to shut up." BONUS QUESTION: A few were kind enough to answer a bonus question for me... How did you know she was the one? John K: Married 38 years: "We dated for five years. I don't know, it was just... a feeling." Martin V. Married 5 years: "We met at a group meeting for people who have seizures. And I loved her personality." Thirudathi R. Married 30 years: "We went to school together. I really liked her. We were just on the same frequency. I went to my father and asked if I could marry her and he arranged it. We started as friends that turned into love." (He comes from India and their marriages are usually arranged for them.) Bill H. Married 43 years: "We lived in the same neighborhood and I even delivered the newspaper to her house. But we didn't go out on a date until after we graduated. I tried to fight it. I didn't want to settle down, but everyone else knew she was the one. I got sent away for a few months because of my job, and I just didn't want to be without her. Or worse, I didn't want her to find somebody else! Finally, I didn't want to fight it any more." Russ I. Married 6 years: (See his above comment!) "She put up with me!" John S. Married 42 years: "She told me! But seriously, I was in the service and we were separated for three months. I couldn't stand it. I was only eighteen and had to have my mom sign for permission to allow me to get married! I got leave and we got married. We haven't been separated since." Thank you gentlemen for talking with me and being able to offer up these insights to my readers. I love hearing everyone's stories, and I'd love to hear yours too! Do you have a secret to share? What's the secret to your happy relationship and how did you know that your mate was "the one"? Love is a Two Way Street Healthy relationships are based on compromise. Each person has to play their part and not expect one person to do all the giving while the other is doing all the taking. You’ve heard me say that I think relationships should be not 50/50, but 100/100. This leaves nothing to chance. If you are both taking 100% responsibility for the health and well-being of the relationship, then nothing can fall through the cracks. - If you are the one in the relationship who is constantly giving and not getting your love returned, it may last for a while. You could even think you’re happy for years, but eventually, your supply of giving without getting will be depleted. When your love and efforts are not being reciprocated, the relationship will fall out of balance. You could become bitter expecting it to change and it never does. Self-doubt creeps in wondering what you’re doing wrong; wondering why your partner doesn’t want to give back automatically. Depression can come in to play because you are not feeling loved and appreciated. Love lifts you up. Love is giving and kindness. Love is encouraging. Love is healing. If these things do not surround you, you are in the wrong relationship. - Love does not just happen, people. You both have to give and take. Learn to compromise. Learn what is important to your partner. How does she take in love? What can you do to show him love? Often the way we give love is how we like to receive love. And that may not be what your partner is needing. One of my favorite books is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The book points out five different ways that we perceive love. Some feel loved when you hold their hand, others feel more loved when you do nice things or offer a gift. Still others need to talk or go on a picnic. Yes, these are all wonderful things and I’m sure we would all appreciate if our mate did any one of those things, but Mr. Chapman points out that usually one of the languages is our strongest. We respond more to one than another. Get the book, read it together and figure out each other’s love language and then speak it every day. You don’t have to feel it or like it, just do it and you will reap the benefits. - Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict. Your relationship cannot be based on a scoring system. There is no winning or losing. You need to give up the “my way or else” attitude. You’re not going to agree on everything and it’s okay to have strong convictions about some things, but you are in this together and your partner deserves a chance to be heard and have an opinion. Give and take. When arguments happen- and they will- keep emotion under control as best you can and try and get through it the best way you can without having any reason for regret. People need to feel they have been heard, try not to storm off. No name calling, it’s disrespectful. Fight fair. Don’t attack, try to use “I” statements to explain how you feel. Keep the past in the past, don’t dredge up old arguments. And focus on the issues at hand. I know it’s not easy when high emotion gets involved but this is only one moment in the life of your relationship and hopefully things can get resolved with a little give and take. - Sometimes, one of you won’t be feeling up to your usual 100% and you need your partner to step in and take over. If it has been a steady give and take, your partner should fall into this role automatically. The loss of a family member, a physical illness, losing a job… we all have bumps in the road and it makes it easier to get past them when we can rely on our partner to help us through. When you see your partner in a slump, or feeling reserved, assume that he/she needs more from you and fill that need. Whatever it may be for a couple weeks. Love them back to life, so to speak. Make him/her your priority. Wear something sexy, leave her notes in her briefcase. Make his favorite meal. Love language the heck out of him/her. Or maybe just be patient and step back allowing him/her to let you know what they need. That’s what so great about love. It’s a growing, breathing, changing thing. If you treat it right it will fulfill you all the rest of your days. Sometimes, you’ll give more… sometimes you need more. Be with the person that you can balance with. Other articles you might be interested in: Watch Your Love Blossom Share the Love Love Will Keep Us Together Fear Not... Did you know, the command "fear not" is the most repeated command in the Bible? There are over 365 references to calming your fears and anxieties. One for everyday of the year and then some! Fear is something we all face and handle in different ways. Fear of loss, fear of death, of rejection, of the unknown, even fear of airplanes, spiders, heights, masks, clowns, the number thirteen.... Whew! The list goes on and on. No wonder God made it a priority for His people to know to "fear not, because He is always with us" And for His people, He is patient and reminds us again and again day after day... fear not. Here are a few of my favorite verses that I use in my daily life and I hope that they are a blessing to you as well. For all my worriers out there, I keep this one on hand. "Be anxious for nothing." Philippians 4:6 One of my favorites. I use this verse to remind me that things are out of my control. And no matter how much I want to worry and fret, it changes nothing. It doesn't help the situation it only makes me tired and more stressed. So stop worrying, be anxious for nothing. When the bills pile up around me and I'm afraid I'm not going to have enough money to feed myself or my family, or I'm going to be tossed out on to the street and end up living in a cardboard box, (yes, I've stressed out this much before...) I rely on this verse in Matthew: Therefore I tell you do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on, is not life more than food and body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25) He has always taken care of me, and even though my poor choices have put me in some pretty interesting predicaments, He has always provided for me. It may not have been a steak dinner, but, I have never gone without. We have all been wounded in love before and He tells us to guard our hearts, but He also thinks that love is the greatest thing ever. So, do not give up on love, ever. And when it comes to finding your mate, only the deepest, truest love will do. And you will know when you find it because 1 John 4:18 tells us: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whosoever fears has not been perfected in love. Do you love in fear or need or do you love in peace and perfection? In Joshua 1:9, He has no time for foolishness he just puts it out there: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord is with you wherever you go. Any questions? Didn't think so... There will be nights that I lay awake wondering, half-planning, half-wishing what I want for my future. I fear that I won't see my children grow and raise their own families. I fear that I'll be stuck cutting hair for the rest of my life. I fear that I will not see my dreams fulfilled. I fear that my body or mind won't be strong enough to get me through the trials of my life. But then Matthew comes to my rescue again and in the 6th chapter and the 34th verse it reads: Do not be anxious about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble. Leave tomorrow's worries for tomorrow... and then, be anxious for nothing! (Philippians 4:6) Often we get caught up in feeling the need to defend ourselves. How many times have you been accused of something that you were totally innocent of? Or people would just talk about you behind your back without any cause at all? Or being bullied. You want to shout out and defend yourself, but sometimes things get so escalated that your voice falls on deaf ears. You are resigned to think that everyone will believe the lies. But the Bible says, fear not. You will have your day and the truth will come to the surface. Exodus 14:14 says: The Lord will fight for you and you only have to be silent. A most popular and favorite passage to deal with your deepest, darkest fears comes from Psalms. The twenty-third Psalm is one of the most read and recognized and most comforting passage from the Bible. Here is the 4th verse: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me. It calms me every time. Another fear that used to haunt me day in and day out was my past. I was not a good person. I was frozen with guilt when I would recall some of the hurtful and hateful things I did once upon a time. And even still, I struggle with letting my past go and forgiving myself but luckily Isaiah 43:1 reminds me that I am saved. I have been forgiven. All my sins have been washed away. It says: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name and you are Mine. These verses have helped me and continue to help me in my times of trouble. You can take what you find useful and ignore the rest or go digging around for different ones that speak to you. I am not posting these to start any kind of debate or fall into a context argument, but to hopefully offer you peace in a not so peaceful world and bring up the point that if He took the time to tell us over 365 times to fear not, He must have wanted us to do it. I'm just helping you get started. Trust, children of God, that He sees your fears and he knows what you are going through. Trust that He is faithful. Fear not, for I am with you... Isaiah 41:10 Success Is... What is success? Is there just one answer? If you get if wrong are you doomed to failure for the rest of your days? I think not. With the beginning of a new year people tend to reflect on their life. Where are they going? Where have they been? What's worked and what hasn't. What happens next. I think we all strive for success, some more than others. But in the end, we want to look back on our lives and say ,"Yes, I was successful". The common answer for "What is success?" is usually equated to making money. Lots of money. Ridiculous amounts of money. Success equals riches. But hopefully after reading today's article, I hope you will view things a little differently. So what is success? I'm going to tell you. And I think you might be surprised by my answer. Success Is Perception. You're idea of success and someone else's idea of success could be completely different. When you look at other people's lives and are perhaps unimpressed with what they have achieved you may be shocked to find that they are gleefully happy with the abundance of success they've had. Something as regular as cooking a meal for a large number of people comes as second nature to a person that comes from a large family or works in a restaurant, but could have been a major challenge for the new bride that is taking on Christmas dinner for her new in-laws and her own family. If she doesn't serve the turkey raw or the potatoes lumpy and keeps the tiered cake on top of each other, that... is success. Success Is Personal. Success can only be found by pursuing your own dreams, not by following the dreams others force on you. Meaning, you and only you can decide what success means to you. I met a man once who became a doctor. His father was a doctor, his brother was a doctor his grandfather was a doctor, even his daughter was studying to be a doctor. He had his own practice, the nice home, the nice car and all the other cushy stuff that comes along with it. By anyone else's standards, he was a success. But by his own, his was living his father's dream for him. He wanted to work on cars. Rebuild cars. It wasn't until he gave up his practice to "retire" and built a garage in his backyard and started to rebuild his first car, that he considered himself a success. His path to "success" was a long time coming. "Success is when you've reached a personal goal." - Katherynn Bourgeret-Caldwell Your vision of success is completely your own. You may achieve the exact same thing as someone else and not feel anything, because it wasn't what your idea of success was. You're idea of success may be as simple as a balanced checkbook, filling up your day planner with activities or owing a Lexus. Whatever you have in your mind that is success, will have a greater impact on you than fulfilling someone else's goal list. (Which is why they say if you don't have a goal for yourself, you'll be helping someone else reach their goal!) Success Is Satisfaction. There is no point in being rich if you can't enjoy it. I'm sure you've heard of the people who've "made it". They reached that such-n -such dollar amount and are considered successful, but they are so busy working that they can't even enjoy their success! If making more money is going to be your idea of success then absolutely, go for it! but I can't help but feel that you're are more likely to enjoy the "rich" part if you enjoy the getting there part. Do what you love and you will be "rich". Know when it's enough. Don't lose your happiness for the sake of your success. "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." - Dale Carnegie "Success is measured by your happiness and not the material things you have in your life." -Jennifer Largent Success Is Happiness. The truth is, we have little successes everyday. As we lay our head on our pillows at night, if we were only to take a moment and reflect on the things that happened that day, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we found many, many successes that we just forgot to celebrate. If you are pushing and pushing toward a goal and it has lost it's happiness factor, perhaps it isn't for you. Even if it's something mundane and unexciting as eliminating debt, it should still bring you some joy. It might mean that you have to work extra hours, (not fun) or cut back on your spending (also not fun) but if you don't feel a sense of accomplishment watching that big overwhelming number get smaller and smaller, then it's not bringing you happiness. And you should perhaps find another way to reach that goal. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, your large goals are made up of smaller, achievable, daily goals. Learn to recognize the daily successes you reach and be happy. It's not worth it in the long run if it steals your happiness. "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you'll be successful." -Albert Schweitzer Success Is Sharing. Success can be learned. We are not all born knowing that we can have all the things we want if we just go after them. Some have been trained that you get what you get and that's all there is. That makes me so sad. There are hundreds upon hundreds of examples out there of people who came from nothing and have made something of themselves. They became successful. They could go to sleep at night knowing they did what they needed to do to feel successful. Success is Action, Determination, Passion... success is all those things but it is also learned. One of the best ways to enjoy your success is to share it with others. Don't keep it all to yourself. Teach, help others to rise up from where they are and be the person they want to be. When you help others get to where they want to go, the universe gives back to you. And while that may sound like mumbo-jumbo, I promise you that it is fact. Be grateful for your successes. And make sure the people around you, the ones that helped you get there know how much they mean to you. Give. Share. Teach. Show gratitude. "Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success is how you treat other people. Your family, friends, co-workers and even strangers you meet along the way." -Barbara Bush Success Is A Continuous Journey. Success should never be considered a one way street. It's more than one street. It takes alleys and intersections, mountains and valleys. It goes up and it goes down. It is never-ending. One success will lead to another. You're constantly building and growing and learning. And when you reach your life goals... make new ones. Keep doing the things that work. Cut out the things that don't. Nothing stays the same. Be flexible and always hunger for more. If you reach your life's goal and then quit, watch and see how fast everything will unravel! You have to stay in the game. Keep moving. Keep growing. Keep setting new goals. "Success is not final: failure is not final; it is the courage to continue that counts." -"Winston Churchill Success Is Balance. To me, this is the meaning of success. You can have it all, and you should strive for that. Money - Happiness - Family & Friends - Security - Health - Peace of Mind - Hope You need all these things to be balanced and feel successful. Take even one off the list and you are thrown off-balance. If you have all the money you could ever want, but you have lost your family in the process, that is not success. If you have the biggest mansion on the street but have worked yourself to near death, and you are alone, that is not success. If you stole the money to get that need met, you would have it, but you would no longer have peace of mind. You'd always be looking over your shoulder, wondering when you'll be caught. That is not success. You have reached your goal but have lost everything else in the process and finally you lose hope. That is not success. We all know examples of the above stories. The news and celebrity magazines are covered with them. Balance is the key to success. You need happiness, health, enough money to not have to worry, security, friends and family, when you lay your head down at night you have peace of mind and hope. You need a little bit of all these things to find true success. Not everyone's list will be prioritized in the same way, but every one of these needs should be met for a balanced, successful life. If you are struggling to make ends meet, then I can see how finances would be top of the list, but don't sacrifice the other items to secure more money. There is nothing wrong with wanting money. There is nothing wrong with wanting lots of money. The problem comes when that's your only focus, and it will cost you in the long run. Your list will change in its order, but if you find happiness in each of these, you will be truly successful indeed. "What money can't buy... Money will buy you a house, but it won't buy a home, Money will buy you a companion or followers but it won't buy you a friend, Money will buy you a bed, but it won't buy you a good night's sleep, Money will buy you a good time, but it won't buy you peace of mind." -Zig Zigler Coming soon, I'll discuss the critical success factors to help you reach every goal on your list!! Be sure to stay tuned and check back often! Follow Your Dreams My daughter gave me a necklace for Christmas. It’s a pretty, simple, elegant silver ring with the words Follow Your Dreams etched into it. I love it. My girl knows her momma. Knows that I’ve been itching for more, but too afraid to go after the things that I really want. Always coming up with excuses or finding what seemed to be legitimate reasons for why I couldn’t do certain things. I would let the wrong people influence me so I would catch myself giving up or procrastinating. This thoughtful gift gave me permission to go find the “more” I am so desperately needing. So, more than the esthetics, I’ve decided to take the advice of the jewelry and my girl. 2014 will bring on a different set of resolutions for me. Instead of following my usual routine that helps me get through the year, I’m going to focus on things that I think are going to make me happy. Don’t worry, I’m not going to dive off the deep end, but this year I’m going to add goals that specifically will get me closer to my dreams. If the goal doesn’t get me closer to where I eventually want to be, then it gets put off lower down the list. Which leaves me to decide what my real dreams are and create a break-down list of things I need to do to get me there. The dreams, they have to be realistic. They can be big, fantastic even, but they must be reachable. Most of my “dreams” have been put on my long-term goal list. Meaning something that I could eventually reach, but I’m not in any real hurry to get there. And every once in a while, I’d work on them. But this year, I’m switching things up. I’ve decided to pull a couple of my smaller dreams, ones that could actually be reached in twelve months, and bring them into focus. They are the ones I’m going after this year. The break down. My usual goals, which have become habitual, like setting money away for savings, or paying down debt, simplifying life, those are still in place. Every year, I try to add new goals to always help me continue to grow and become the Elizabeth 2.0 version. This year will be no different, just more focused. You can do it too. We can compare notes! What are your dreams? Are there a couple that could be reached in a year if you concentrate specifically on them? What do you need to learn to get you closer? Are there any books, courses or college you need that will benefit you? Do you need to start setting aside money for your dream to come true? How much? How much can you afford to set aside each week? What time adjustments to do you have to make to work on these goals? Do you have a support team in place? If not, who could you ask to encourage you? Who could you call on to help you? Think of people that could mentor you, support you, teach you, fuel you. Can you handle the naysayers that ARE going to come at you? Create your timeline of how long and when things need to be implemented on your plan. Break things down to where they are comfortable and reachable for you. If you try to take to big of bites, you’re more likely to get intimidated and give up. (Trust me on this...) Plus, the smaller completions, the more you have to celebrate! And you’ll look forward to the little successes almost as much as the big one. It’s a new year. Time to wipe the slate clean and make 2014 the year you want. Make it the year that when you look back on it from 2015, you’ll be proud. And you’ll have grown as a person and your self-confidence has gotten bigger: stronger making your future options better and better. I’m excited at the possibilities of 2014. I am excited to seem my dreams come a little closer. I’m excited to hear what you are doing to make your dreams come true. It’s 2014, y’all. Follow your dreams!! Share the Love. 20 Ways to Show Someone You Care. The Christmas season is an excellent time of year to pour love out on everyone you come in contact with! For some reason, during this time of year, people are more generous and giving than in other times. And people are more accepting of love and displays of affection than in other times of the year. I can tell you, I get away with hugging more people in December than in any other month! And yes, I abuse the privilege! So don't miss out on your opportunity to share in the pleasure of giving love to others. Here's just a few suggestions to get you started... 1. Donate to a charity in someone's name. There are so many worthwhile causes out there and some people are uncomfortable accepting gifts so this is the perfect solution! 2. Baked Goods. Give the gift of homemade cakes or cookies or other yummy snacks. And as an extra bonus, spend the day making the treats with someone you love! 3. Tell someone something you admire about them. Everyone enjoys hearing a kind word. "Love the way you share with your sister." "Great Customer service today!" "I love when you read our kids a story before bed. You're creating great memories." 4. Invite a friend out for coffee. Get to know them better over a steamy cup of java or hot chocolate. 5. Leave someone a secret encouraging note! Make their day when they find a note saying something thoughtful like, "Way to go on that project!" or "Thanks for cleaning your room without being told!" or "Just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you for all of your hard work." 6. Make some homemade Christmas cards and take them to the patients in a local hospital or send them to our soldiers that are stationed overseas. 7. Ask what the best part of their day has been, and then listen! Don't interrupt! 8. Remind someone how much you enjoy having them in your life. 9. HUGS!!! 10. Actions speak louder than words! Do it! Don't just say it! If you've been promising to do something, now's the time! 11. Do something unexpected. Bring donuts into work. Clean the ice off the neighbor's car. Take out the trash. Offer to cook dinner. 12. Pay it Forward. Participate in random acts of kindness. Donate toys, food or money to a good holiday benefit. Pay for a stranger's meal or coffee. Give a random person a gift. Volunteer. 13. Gift a small gift... just cause. 14. Smile! Look people in the eye! 15. Say it! "I care for you." "I love you." "You are special to me." "You're amazing just the way you are." 16. Pass on the gift of music. Donate new cd's to the children's ward at a hospital or church or just some stranger walking down the street! Do you play an instrument? Can you carry a tune? Go and sing/play for a senior living center or hospital or even on a street corner! 17. Watch a favorite holiday movie with someone special. 18. Put your phone away and ask questions. Get some one-on-one time with each member of your family or a close friend or a co-worker or someone sitting alone at the airport. 19. Enjoy the Christmas light displays either by walking, driving or carriage ride! 20. Buy ANYTHING a child is selling! If they took the time and the courage to ask you... buy. You'll do wonders for their self-esteem! (Parents! Don't do it FOR them!) Christmas is a magical time of year. Take advantage of it and share the love! Happy holidays everyone! Chime in! What are some things you do for the holidays to show others that you care? Comment below! I'd love to hear your feedback! |
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